All the earth’s monsters assembled one day, it was ages and ages ago,

To amalgamate strengths, coalesce as a team, and promote monster power comme il faut.

The food there was tasty, for monsters condign, with liberal servings of gore--

The apex of dining, the monsters agreed, the steak and potatoes of yore.

There were fire-breathing dragons and centaurs and such, and food-stealing Harpies as well.

If Jonathan Edwards had been in attendance, he’d have thought he had landed in hell.

The Minotaur, Gorgons, and six-headed Scylla, the three- headed Cerberus, too,

The Sirens, Charybdis, the stormy Chimera all graced this primordial zoo.

But time brought aspersions like "torpid" or "bovine" and threatened affinity’s bond.

To obviate quarrels, abort all suspicions for weeks and for months and beyond,

Thereby to contribute to each monster present a chance at superlative fame.

The prize for the ugliest went to the Gorgons, to Scylla the prize for most necks.

The centaurs were lauded for deep cogitation, Charybdis for causing most wrecks.

The bull-headed Minotaur ate the most heroes, the Sirens were praised for their sound.

In short, all the monsters won contests in something, with prizes enough to go round.

The final award, the most coveted prize, the one that all monsters adored,

Was accorded the monster who looked most grotesque, strangest of all the strange horde.

The goat-bodied, serpent-tailed, fire-breathing monster, whose lion’s head foes did appall,